The Physics Class that Broke Me
Read Time / 3 minutes
Theme / Personal Reflection
I remember it like it was yesterday. Eager to get started on my college journey, I enrolled into an accelerated summer class — Physics.
Now for those who don’t know me, I was homeschooled. There are many benefits to being homeschooled, one of those included me being able to get a jump start on an undergraduate education.
At 15 years old, I decided I was ready to tackle my first college class. As you may imagine, it didn’t take long before I found myself overwhelmed with the load of not only college, but an accelerated class. The stress soon became so crippling that it brought me to tears — a lot. As I’m reflecting on this story, the details are murky, but how I felt was clear — scared, inadequate, like a failure that wouldn’t be able to measure up to the world’s expectations of me. One evening I reached the peak of what I could carry alone, and I broke. In that moment, feeling alone and scared, I dropped to the floor and wept. That’s when my dad found me, on the floor, drowning from carrying the burdens of the expectations I put on myself alone. He met me on the floor, held me, and told me everything was going to be ok.
There’s a story in John 6 where Jesus is being questioned on why people should believe He is the Christ. After answering their questions, many were confused and unsettled with His response. Then the story continues at verse 65-69…
“After this many of His disciples turned back and no longer walked with Him. So Jesus said to the twelve [original followers], “Do you want to go away as well?” Simon Peter answered him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life, and we have believed, and have come to know, that you are the Holy One of God.”
As someone that grew up loving God, I still find myself in that category of people who get confused, emotionally turn away, and turn towards things that give me instant gratification this world offers — financial, relational, career, and even ministry success. The older I become the more aware I am of my own brokenness and my nature to idolize natural success only to leave me feeling dissatisfied.
The best physical example I have of Jesus is my dad. When I was down, he met me. When I was a child and I didn’t know who I was, my dad was there — confident and secure — for me to visit him broken and in tears and rest in his confidence.
If I had to guess, with everything going on in this world there is a burden that you are carrying. And like me, you may find yourself running on empty. That’s normal. That’s human. My challenge is to those of us that are normal and human is where can we find rest that our soul so desperately needs?
When I’m at my wits end and emotionally broken down, God, in His overwhelming kindness, meets me where I’m at. I rest in His presence, and am reminded of Simon Peter’s response — “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.” There is something to be learned from my 15 year old self. Just as I found rest in not my own understanding but my dad’s, today we will only find lasting rest in His understanding — for He has the words of eternal life.
Ryan De Amicis
Wealth Advisor
408.758.6413
ryan@christianwm.com
